"Youre so good at talking smack"

"two forces that had fought since the world began - and every religion hand known of them - and there had always been a God and a Devil - only men had been so mistaken about the shapes of their Devil - he was not single and big, he was many and smutty and small"

Im fasting tomorrow for everyone suffering as a result of the VT shootings. I want to watch the few clips I have from the video Jenny and I attempted to make that I took at VT back in November. Its so scarry.

Of all things going on right now, uncertainty is the most daunting. I have so many thoughts racing through my mind. Every breath I take steals oxygen from someone else, every bug I swat prevents millions and millions of future generations of bugs from occuring. Every tiny little dint I put in this earth alters the corse of humanity. I am one more person who will walk by you and never notice, nor care, nor ask what is wrong. I will sit down in hour and half long segments, zone in and out of some useless lecture, sinking back and forth between apathy and gibberish. I am one more set of eyes that will read someones vehement words and not be changed at all. I will cut someone off, and never consider what hell they went through already that morning. I wont see my struggles in you, I wont be willing to put forth the effort to save you, and I only help people because it makes me feel good. Its sick, the sickest of all things. I once heard that servitude is the key to joy, but if that is true than it isnt servitude, its a flashy self-sating meal for a phycological appetite. Pardon me, but Id rather vomit.

I have to go, Im getting ranty. I wonder if anyone understands.

"You know how people long to be eternal. But they die with every day that passes. When you meet them, theyre not what you met last. In any given hour, they kill some part of themselves. They change, they deny, they contradict - and they call it growth. At the end theres nothing left, nothing unreserved or unbetrayed; as if there had never been an entity, only a succession of adjectives fading in and out on an unformed mass. How do they expect a permanence which they have never held for a single moment?"